Dear Thyroid - OMG Why did I wait so long!!

Dear Thyroid,

What the fuck did I ever do to you? You are a sneaky little bastard, sneaking up on me like this. Today's visit was the first step, damn you.

Tomorrow we will take our asses to the lab, and eventually be told what we already know. Mom's got it, Mom's Mom's got it, and thanks to those good ol' hereditary genes, yup, so do we. Hypothyroidism. Why did I wait so long to do this?

I know why, Im just angry at myself for letting it go this long.

I'm 30 for Pete's sake! I'm damn near friggin bald, and what's left of my hair is speckled with gray! I'm suffocating my poor daughter with the thermostat set on 80, I'm a total friggin bitch, my skin is so dry and flaky I feel like pigpen walking around with a cloud of dry skin and hair around me. Its disgusting, and I hate you.

I used to be pretty and feel sexy dammit! I dieted and lost 50 friggin pounds and felt so great!

Sure, you were still torturing me, but slowly, so I couldn't notice what you were up to. Then WHAM!

Lucky for us, that wonderful sexy ass man we are dating hasn't dropped our crazy ass yet, but I get the feeling he's getting a little tired of being pushed away after doing it like rabbits for 6 years. Still wondering why he hasn't proposed after all this time, my dear thyroid??? HELLO - we've been a raging friggin lunatic the last year and half! I bet it didn't help!

So here it is, I'm giving you fair warning right now. Today's visit to Dr. Atkin was my way of telling you its on pal! It's not going to be easy, I know, but I want my hair back, I want my energy back, I want my sex drive and dammit I want my life back!

And I'm going to get it. You watch me.

Damn you for doing this to me right when everything else was so perfect. HELLO!?!? - weren't you there between the ages of 14-25??? Life was a NIGHTMARE! You wait until I've finally straightened everything out and I'm happier than ever to spring this shit on me? Real fuckin nice.

ITS ON BABY, ITS ON!!!!

Yours Truly,
Melissa

DEAR THYROID, I'M IN A CONUNDRUM, WE NEED TO DISH

Dear Thyroid;

How are you? That's kind of rhetorical. However, I do appreciate your time. So, there's that; my approach. Respectful right?

Lemme tell ya, doll, it ain't easy. At the minute, you have me so freaked out, I don't know if I'm on spin or rinse.

Let's recap, shall we? I've released some of my anger towards you, not a lot mind you, but enough for now. Until I can control you, instead of you controlling me, I think we're in for a roller coasteree relationship.

At present, you won't stay balanced and nobody can tell me why. Your Graves' ophthalmology isn't getting better. 4-years of swollen eyelids and questionable vision that can't be controlled with corrective lenses, compounded by conflicting opinions, compounded by susceptibility to retina damage and my own fear of, heaven forbid, the "S" word (surgery), if, if, if I can't get you under control has left me, well, reeling.

I'm scared of you. I don't know how to create a symbiotic relationship between us.

As a last ditch effort, I did quite a bit of research and found a reputable endocrinology unit in a prominent hospital quite close to me. I emailed the head of endocrinology and medicine. I didn't think he'd email me back, really I didn't. But, he did. We had a lovely email exchange and 30-minutes later his secretary called me to schedule an appointment. I'm seeing him in November.

Let me be clear. I am not hopeful. I am open. Getting us into his office will be an overwhelming challenge in itself. I am equal parts confident that I will not settle for hmm'ng and haw'ng and that I will walk-in armed with my records and a list of questions that I expect to be answered. By the same right, I know I'll be terrified of yet another opinion that yields questionable results.

This brings me to another issue. My records. Accumulating them from all of my various doctors is proving to be a lot more challenging than I expected. The most important doctor I need my records from isn't releasing everything. I know I can call the AMA. I know I can get a lawyer to get my records for me- I'm astutely aware of my options. What worries me, truth be told, is that he fucked up and that's why he's not releasing them. See, I think I know where he fucked up. I just don't know to the degree.

So, dear thyroid, I guess we'll just wait and see what happens, won't we? God willing, someone will be able to get you under control. Otherwise, I am nominating you for cunt of the year.

Loving/Hating you,

Katie